Yesterday was kinda rough. I'm not gonna lie. I was at home with Baxter (per usual) and I had a list of projects to tackle, a house that I could clean, taxes I could start, a gym membership that I could use (there were no shortage of things for me to do), but I just didn't want to do any of it. I wanted to curl up in my bed and sleep, or sit on the couch and watch Real Housewives and eat cookies. I was anxious, panicked, depressed. :( This was my first moment since I left my job where I felt like "What the hell have I done?" I felt lost, useless and unimportant and I was filled with doubt. I finished my chair project, cleaned the kitchen and bathroom, vacuumed, and tried not to cry. Jake called me around 6 PM when he was leaving work, and I lost it. Cry me a river. I started sputtering about how I was worried that I would never be any good at this interior design thing. I mean, I'm not educated about it, and the classes I'm going to take at the community college weren't going to help all that much. Who was going to hire me? I would surely have to take an entry-level job, and would my Masters degree deter people from hiring me for an entry-level position? Should I go back to financial planning? Were there even any jobs in financial planning? Should I just be a stay-at-home wife because being a stay-at-home mom was in my not so distant future? Did I even want to be a stay-at-home mom? And as I'm saying all these things and crying and feeling bad for myself, I feel even worse because I think of all the people who go to work every day doing jobs they hate because they HAVE to. And they might wish they could take time off or be a stay-at-home mom or dad, and they can't. I HAVE options, and I'm crying. God, I'm such a HUGE brat. We went to dinner and talked some, but the night ended in a blowout fight. I was just in that kind of mood - he couldn't avoid it. We haven't fought like that in such a long time. It was horrible. Nothing was going to fix this day except for a good night's sleep and a clear mind. So, we went to bed.
Today the sun is shining, Jake has the day off, and we're getting ready to head off to Loon Mountain for a weekend of skiing and birthday celebrations with my family. Today is a good day, and it will be a great weekend. I am blessed, I am happy, and I have options. Just need to take it one day at a time.